Why I {Heart} NYC

Those who know me know that I've talked about leaving NYC hundreds of times. Every now and then the daily grind just gets to me and I no longer want to deal. They ask, "Where would you go?" I start rattling off all the other US cities that I've come to love: Louisville, Charlottesville, Chicago, DC, San Fran, Ann Arbor. My friends, trying to be supportive, smile and then laugh, "You'd be bored after a week". Bored maybe, but also very lonely. So one must focus on the things about NY she loves. In that journal I mentioned yesterday I have a list of things "good and bad" that make New York special. The first thing on the list is the skyline. Totally without a doubt one of the best things about NY. I used to love flying home from Michigan after being away for 3 months at school, a huge rush of joy would come over me when I'd see the lights from the plane. It's NYC welcome sign. Ninth on this list (must be 500+ things on this list) is Seltzer. Not Brian Setzer, but Seltzer Water. The authors of the list probably meant those old fashion soda water bottles there were used in the old days to make ice cream sodas and floats. But I'm all about the 2 $1.00 bottles of vintage seltzer water from the super market.


NY has a hold on me once again...Trader Joe's just opened around the corner from my house. I ventured out early this morning hoping to beat the crowds. They opened up in an old bank with high ceilings and amazing chandeliers. Considering the grand opening was just two days ago, the place was well stocked and really clean. Everyone was so friendly and I was on line for less than 5 minutes. LOVED IT...now I can't leave!

Other Words of Wisdom

Every once in a while Rick Levine has a way of bringing you down. He doesn't really mean to, he's just reporting the stars as he sees it. Today's daily digest warned against lavish and luxury purchases and a mature approach to finances. Blah, Blah, Blah. What is lavish? I can go food shopping and spend almost $80. Is that considered lavish? It's not my fault that organic milk is $5.00 for a half of gallon. So to start my fabulous Saturday I needed to go into the vault of inspiration (the journal I kept from 1996 - 2003). Every once in a while I have to read it to realize how far I've come and/or how I'm stuck in the same cycle of woe. But this is not just a journal it's also a scrapbook of my life, places I've been, things I've done. In addition it is filled with quotes, and clippings of anything and everything. FYI - rubber cement is a great thing, but doesn't last 10 years! So here are a few to keep you going:

"Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance"

"We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own"

"Humor is how you survive. Humor is your armor"

Mother Of Pearl

Femininity always makes me think of pink bows in ones hair or twin sweater sets with a string of pearls. Beauty to me is more about being comfortable in your own skin rather than looking or acting a certain way. I'm not sure why so many designers confuse being a woman with being stiff and uptight. I'm not Katherine Hepburn or an Audrey for that matter. I never had a style. and I most certainly hate shopping. I hate paying for clothes, and I hate trying stuff on. I hate how everything is "cute" and how all the cool stuff comes in an extra small. Why do store mirrors always seem to highlight every flaw? But most days I manage to find something to wear. I change it up a bit...Some days I gravitate toward the casual, hanging out on the beach on a cool spring day mode of j.crew. It makes me feel very "laid back" and "easy going". Other days I need power.. skirts, dressy shoes, and cashmere sweaters. It's my "I have something to say so you better listen closely" look. I like mixing it up, but it doesn't matter what it is, it matters how it feels. If I feel good, I look good, I smile and people always notice (good and bad). I hate it when you dress up and everyone comments on it..."have a date" or "what's the special occasion". I also hate it when older men comment on how you look. This guy I work with (he's about my fathers age) commented on my blouse today. It made me uncomfortable, and almost seemed patronizing. I'm not sure why and I don't think he meant any harm, but it made me feel less in control. I believe that every girl needs a compliment once in a while. It reconfirms the choice of the purchase. While I've heard that women dress to impress other women and maintain their status we must remember that "Beauty is how you see it" and not what others see.

Inner Ducklings vs. Outer Swans

As we all know, I struggle with my own femininity. I've never been comfortable with makeup (except for mascara, which conceals the albino nature of my eyelash situation). I managed to learn how to walk in a skirt and heels when I was 18; at military school, ironically enough. My hair and I are locked in an ongoing battle to the death, and I panic whenever a social occasion calls for more than a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

At the same time, I will confess to really, REALLY wanting to be able to doll myself up. I like it when I finally put together an outfit that makes me feel sexy and girly. On the very few occasions that I've been able to figure out the whole-face makeup situation, I loved how I looked.

But god forbid anyone I know from my "real" life sees me when I'm in woman mode. Because no matter how good I look/feel, there's always this latent anxiety that I'm just a poseur and everyone is going to figure me out. Seriously, I know the woman in the lower right corner looks way better than the woman in the upper left. But I don't believe for a second that they are the SAME woman, deep down.

Twelve Stations, Right On, Right On

So, this artist named Josh Agle has created a series of depictions of women in horscopular settings. The whole kit sells for $1800, but you good folks get this one for free. It's Leo, natch, and there are a number of things in here that are great for Deborah T.

1) She doesn't currently have a circular bed. But she should get one.

2) That's her new purple sweater, people!

3) Light fixtures = awesome.

4) I don't know about the cats. But they do look like the cats at Vinnie and Elaine's, so I think they're appropriate.

5) She needs to start rocking the bubble flip ponytail. It would be such a good look.

6) The wall clock is a bad decision. Take it down, DT!

Later we can do mine. (But I'll tell you right now, he got the booty right.)

How does he know?

I don't understand the fancy world of astrology, but once again Rick Levine proves to rule the world. The last two lines of his daily words of wisdom said "Don't hold on to a plan that isn't working or to someone who isn't holding up his or her end of the deal. Cut your losses, if necessary, and move on." Move the f--- on... for the last year I've tried to make my motto...breathe, release, let go. It's fun to say, but frankly it hasn't worked much. The best thing was yoga. Just lying there listening to the music not knowing a sole in the room. was cool. Move on...who can tell me how to do that? How does one stop yearning to go back? Move on...means move forward, but for me..I always want to go back and fix the mistakes, redo, not release, revise, not renew thy self. How do you MOVE ON???

Words to Survive By

Funny, I was JUST about to post my feelings about my day in light of the fabulous Mr. Levine's ruminations. I, too, read my Google horoscope daily, usually as my "I just walked into work and need a coffee-drinking-friendly soothing activity". It has long formed the bridge to the last activity before I leave the apartment, where I lean against the kitchen counter eating something and flip through some portion of the Sunday paper (kept on the kitchen table all week for this express purpose).

This morning, as Deborah noted, my horoscope advised me against shaking up the routine. I have four periods of Intro to Law, three with gen ed (and pretty high-performing) freshmen, and one with a group of self-contained sophomores. I have taken to referring to them as semi-contained, as the major issue in the class is a desperate need for meditation skills or something other than Juan's ongoing rap performance and Stardasia's loud and frequent verbal enforcement of the rules (Motherfucker, do NOT TALK TO ME! I'm doing THE DO NOW!). I do like them, and actually they are nowhere near the nightmare that a self-contained class can be, but I've decided that the way that I tend teach pretty much means I can't run the same coursework with them as I do with the freshmen. In addition to the behavioral issues, there are some hardcore literacy problems at play. Solution? Start that class working on Project Citizen. Which has workbooks and a practical application, life lessons, good stuff all around.

What does this have to do with Ricky baby? Good question.

I rolled into work this morning with every intention of kicking off the work on PC during my fourth period. I didn't have an exact PLAN, per se, but am completely frustrated by trying to get anything resembling classwork out of this group, even though all of my other classes are whizzing through and doing that night's homework during class (ahead of time) more often than not. Fortunately, I read Rick's advice for today:

You might want to shake things up a bit today, but change isn't always the best idea, especially if everything is working. It's one thing to try doing a work task in a new way because you are seeking more effective and efficient methods. But doing it differently just because you are bored may not be the best strategy for the day. Don't try to fix what isn't broken.

I decided to just go ahead and get into the Intro to Law lesson on natural law with them. Why not? I already had the presentation. Rick said not to change things just for the sake of changing things. I don't have the workbooks yet... I can avoid catastrophe!

And thank goodness. Because they were in RARE form. And when that happens, the best thing in the world is a couple of slides of notes for them to copy. Saved again by Mr. Levine. I can't imagine what that class would have been like if I'd tried to change it up today!

Words to Live By

Some people read the bible every morning, some read daily affirmations from self help books, some have those small desk calendars with "words of the day" or sports facts. For me my daily routine has become reading my horoscope posted on tarot.com by Rick Levine. I'll admit that a horoscope is like a fortune cookie -- often generic and vague. There's something for everyone. But Rick Levine's words seems carry more weight and his approach seems more astrological. He doesn't just deliver the info, but he tells you why you are going to have this type of day. Things like "Your in the 6th house of Relationships, or the 3rd House of Companions, or Mercury is in Retrograde so it's no wonder you life SUCKS right now. He must have been an English major or something too because the writing just sounds more significant (for comparison read the horoscopes in the NY Post or AM NY).

Here is a portion of today's horoscope for Leo:
Talking less and doing more can show your possible detractors that you are more than just hype. Delivering the goods is more important now than just having a cosmic attitude.

Talking Less is always important and my cosmic attitude (does that mean less shimmer today?)

Check out tarot.com for the full story but here are a few of today's highlights:

Aquarius: You might want to shake things up a bit today, but change isn't always the best idea, especially if everything is working....... Don't try to fix what isn't broken.

Gemini: It's difficult for you to stay focused on work today as your 5th and 11th Houses of Love are hot and bothered.

Aries: You are ready to take on the world today now that the Moon is back in your sign, but your eagerness could spell trouble. It's not that you are incapable of doing extraordinary things; it's just that you can set yourself up for failure because you aren't willing to take a realistic look at your needs.

The History/Meaning of Our Name

First and foremost, I am so excited that iamdeborah (dot com) went from a dream to reality. Second, we need a new picture PRONTO.

For those who don't know the history of our name...

Deborah or (Hebrew: דְּבוֹרָה, Standard Tiberian Dəḇôrāh ; "Bee") was a prophetess and the fourth, and the only female, Judge of pre-monarchic Israel in the Old Testament (Tanakh). Her story is told twice, in chapters 4 and 5 of Judges.

I AM Deborah (dot com)

And so is Deborah. And we welcome you to the online profession of our existence and the ongoing struggle to convince people that our name is a three (not two) syllable word. It's Deb-or-ah, preferably with diminishing emphasis on each syllable.